A first introduction arranged by a matchmaker is not a first date in the ordinary sense. Both of you have been pre-vetted. Neither of you has had to perform the awkward search. The conversation begins with the meaningful questions already answered — you each know, at minimum, that the other is plausibly suitable, available, and serious. That changes how the meeting should go.

Here is what tends to work, and what doesn’t, when you walk into the room.

Do choose a venue that lets you actually hear each other. A quiet bar in a good hotel, a corner table at a restaurant that takes reservations seriously, a wine bar at six p.m. before it fills up. Skip the buzzy new opening, however excellent. You are not there to be seen. You are there to find out if you like her.

Do show up first. Three or four minutes early is plenty. It’s a small courtesy, and it costs you nothing. It lets you choose the table, take the seat facing the door, and gather yourself.

Do ask about her life, not her résumé. You already know the résumé from the matchmaker. Ask what she’s working on that interests her right now. Ask what she’s read lately that she’s still thinking about. Ask what her week has been like. The information you’re trying to gather isn’t biographical; it’s whether you find her mind appealing in motion.

Do let there be silences. Successful men often over-talk first meetings out of an instinct to be entertaining. Resist. A woman who is comfortable with a small pause is showing you something useful about herself. A man who can sit in it is showing her something too.

Do pay the bill without ceremony. Quietly. No flourish. If she offers to split it, decline once, graciously, and don’t make it a moment.

Do thank the matchmaker afterward, honestly. Tell her what worked and what didn’t. She’s working from the data you give her. Vague feedback (“nice but no spark”) is almost useless. Specific feedback (“smart, warm, but I felt she wasn’t really listening when I talked about my kids”) is gold.

Don’t interview her. This is the failure mode for executives. A first meeting that feels like a screen for a senior hire will end the conversation, even if she stays polite to the end. You are trying to find out if you like each other, not to validate her résumé.

Don’t talk about your ex-wife. Not in the first three meetings, in any detail. If she asks directly — and she may — a short, non-bitter answer is the standard: it ended, here’s roughly why, you’ve done the work, you’ve moved on. Then change the subject.

Don’t lead with wealth. No mention of houses, the boat, the wine collection, the foundation, the deal you just closed. If she’s the right woman, she’ll find these things out over months, in their proper context. If she’s the wrong woman, leading with them will keep her at the table past the point she would otherwise have left.

Don’t check your phone. Not once. If you’re expecting a call that cannot wait, tell her at the beginning. Otherwise the phone stays face-down or, better, in your pocket. Every glance is a sentence she’s reading about you.

Don’t decide too fast in either direction. The most common error is concluding within twenty minutes that she’s the one. The second most common is concluding within twenty minutes that she isn’t. First meetings are nervous. People aren’t at their best. Give it the full meeting, give it a second meeting if there’s anything there, and give your matchmaker your real read — not the verdict you formed before the appetizers arrived.

Don’t extend the meeting past its natural end. Ninety minutes to two hours is plenty. If it’s going well, that’s exactly the reason to wrap and propose a second meeting. Leave wanting more. The man who stays for the fourth drink is rarely the man she’s still thinking about the next morning.

One last thing, often overlooked. Walk her out. Make sure she gets into her car or her cab safely. Then go home and write the matchmaker an honest paragraph. Not tomorrow — that night. The clearer your read while it’s fresh, the better the next introduction will be.